Even the tagline tries to warn you!
Bad Sci-Fi Theater!
It’s time for another Bad Sci-Fi Theater recap, the Geek Notes feature where I try to make the best of watching terrible movies so you can crack maybe half a grin. This time, a movie I picked purely based on the title alone: AUSTRALIENS!
Okay, I think I’ve picked every BSFT movie by the title alone, so I suppose that’s not so noteworthy. What might be noteworthy is that I went into this movie not expecting it to be a comedy. (On the other hand, given how many times jokes just fell flat, one might watch the entire movie and not realize it’s a comedy…) I’ll say a little more about that at the end, but for now, here’s the trailer, followed by the tweet-a-thon…
We’ve got a nice looking house somewhere in…I dunno, Sydney? I’m bad with Australian geography.
Kids making Uranus joke.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Elliot, the nerdy kid, is reading “The Complete Manual of Things That Might Kill You.”
So immediately I related to Elliot. 😀#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
There’s 1 particularly obnoxious kid in this group of three (nerdy boy, imaginative girl, obnoxious jerk-boy).
Hoping OJB is devoured. #BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
When I was a kid, if I saw bright green light in the sky outside my bedroom, no WAY I’d go out.
So Imaginative-Girl is braver than I. #BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Fast-forward 17 years! So Obnoxious Jerk-Boy is going to be Obnoxious Jerk-Man! I cannot wait! #BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
You know it’s a good movie when you’ve got a punk version of Waltzing Matilda. #BSFT
Titanium Turtle. Decent band name.— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Imaginative-Girl (also named Andi) is now grown up, the lead singer of Titanium Turtle, and vocal about her childhood alien encounter. #BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Elliot has also grown up, and now looks like Jared from Subway.
So the movie’s got that going for it. Which is nice.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
OJK is even more obnoxious. Elliot is also afraid of talking to girls.
“You told me cooties weren’t real!”
Hoping for aliens soon.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
PSA for Elliot: When chatting up a woman, it’s almost never good open with “I have a lump on my scrotum.”
Like, 95% of the time.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Is the sky always that particular shade of green in Sydney, or–
THE ALIENS ARE HERE!
There are quite a few.
Also they’re green.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
The aliens are here, & they just broke all of the glassware in the bar!!!
That’s just rude!
Also, they’re destroying the city.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
“Andi – your motha kidnapped by aliens. Do not cum to house. XOXOXO. Daddles.”
My dad isn’t good at text messages either.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Oh! Not Sydney. Brisbane.
Sorry, my geography isn’t what it used to be.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
“We’ll take the van!”
(Aliens destroy van immediately)
These aliens have a sense of humor, at least. Some Mars Attacks vibes here. 🙂#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
“Our allies America and the United Kingdom have refused to send aid to Australia.”#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Imaginative-girl has turned into kind of an idiot, I’m sorry to say.
…Except she actually DOES have alien-given mind powers, so…#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
The aliens have very pert buttocks.
In case you were wondering.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Someone was bitten by an alien.
I’m sure this will be of no consequence whatsoever.#SheGonDie #BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
The aliens are green, & look a bit like one from an old Star Trek episode.
Also, aforementioned pert butts.#BSFT pic.twitter.com/03tCYPjtTT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Plus they can shapeshift and take on human form.
GREEN human form, but that’s still more than @ScifiCommons can do, so… 😉#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Important alien invasion safety tip: If one of your friends suddenly turns green and acts weird, he MIGHT be an alien, you dumbass.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
These aliens have about as much targeting accuracy as a blindfolded Imperial Stormtrooper after 12 shots of whiskey.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
The movie is trying for farce. It’s only half getting there, but it’s a valiant effort.
Reminds me of a movie I made once: Time Moronz#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
“It’s an alien bite.”
“Good GOD! You need chocolate!!”
And I’m liking the movie a little more. 😉#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Lessons from Australiens: Alien bites are best treated by applying Nutella to the wound.
Plus coconut sprinkles.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Years ago aliens crashed in the Australian outback and were taken to a secret Australian government site: Shed 51.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
The movie has slowed a bit.
But the aliens are vulnerable to table salt. Also their scrotums are in their necks.
Because reasons.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Along with the Nutella/coconut healing, it’s also possible to recover from 15 gunshot wounds to the chest w/ proper use of band-aids.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
“‘Never’ is a big word.”
“No, it’s a strong word. 72% of the words in the English language are bigger than never.”
Okay, I grinned.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Remember what I said about the aliens’ targeting skills? They’re only slightly worse than this movie’s ability to hit a joke.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Elliot got blowded up.
Which is good, since he was the source of 40% of the missed jokes. #BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Oh damn it to hell.#ElliotLives#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
I’m running out of things to say about this movie.
It just won’t stop existing.
Why am I still watching?!#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
And the movie ends the way it starts: With Uranus jokes.
I’m done.
But at least it was better than Shark Exorcist.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) August 28, 2016
Okay, so I’m pretty sure the entire inspiration for making this movie, like my entire inspiration for watching it, was the title. And, really, can you blame them? “Australiens.” It’s a sci-fi portmanteau of at least some potential. But geez, it was like watching a bad episode of Scooby Doo with less skilled actors and far less interesting characters. I’m not even sure some of those missed jokes would be funny on paper.
Still, I can’t throw too many stones. I name-dropped Time Moronz, which was a series of sci-fi movies I filmed in college that, while really fun to make and possessed of some camp value, I hope to never see the light of day. And Australiens‘s FX blew Time Moronz out of the water, given that I edited it in the pre-digital era using two jury-rigged VCRs…
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