Whoever wins, the viewer loses.
Bad Sci-Fi Theater!
It’s time again for Bad Sci-Fi Theater here on Geek Notes, where I watch terrible movies so you don’t have to! …Or so you can know about them and watch them, too, assuming you’re into that. (I can’t throw stones, after all.)
This one had been haunting me on Netflix for a while, showing up in my suggested movies, daring me to click on it. Hey, when you’re entertained by horrible schlock as much as I am, Netflix takes notice and throws…oh, just so much more at you. So a couple of weeks ago I finally gave in and cracked the e-seal on what would surely be a rousing sci-fi adventure!
…Right?
But before we get to the live-tweet record of my horrible journey, have a look at the trailer…
And yep, that was Eric Roberts. He spends the entire movie in a jail cell, so I’m pretty sure he just came in for a day, read his lines, and absconded with his paycheck as fast as he could. I cannot blame him one bit.
And now…the tweet stream. Hold on to your butts…
It’s time to do another Bad Sci-Fi Theater! Join in with #BSFT as I watch *shudder* Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs on Netflix.
Or mute me. 😉— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
There’s an implied subtitle for Cowboys vs. Dinosaurs:
“Why the Hell Not?”#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Awww. Raptors got blowded up already. (Let’s see if this movie can make me feel bad for any of its characters.)#PoorRaptors#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Aww, retired-due-to-injury rodeo cowboy can’t get a job at the rodeos.
But he’s gon’ go fight dinosaurs!#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
OH GOD ITS COUNTRY MUSIC!!! NOOOO!!!!! AAAAAAAAHHH!!!#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
10 minutes in and it’s already time for the gratuitous T&A as the four 18-year-olds go swimming in the surely dino-infested lake.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
The likely heroine and her friend just left after some Sleazy McPornstache showed up, thereby dooming the remaining 2 and Sleazy. #BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Well that happened quick. #TheyDed#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
I’m confused as to how the raptors got out of the mine to eat swimmers when the entrance collapsed.
Maybe they dug. Because dinosaurs.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Retired-cowboy is actually stalking our heroine, who’s NOT glad to see him. How much you wanna bet he’ll stalk her into loving him? 😛#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Retired-cowboy has a black hat. Heroine’s sheriff-boyfriend has a white hat. Homage to old westerns, or just dull writing?#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
GAH!
Mine worker talking to woman easily 30 years younger, can’t hardly be drinking age.
Assumed she’s his daughter.#suddenlysexscene#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Of course, they’re by the open window, so…#suddenlydinosaurs#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Think we’ll get an explanation for why raptors survived down a mine shaft for millions of years?
I’m betting radioactivity somehow. 😀#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Heroine is already sad that she called the police on retired-cowboy.
That was quick.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
You know it’s a good, quality movie when the actor can’t even hold his breath long enough to play a dead body for 5 seconds.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
“GOOD management does not let this happen! GOOD management has foresight!”
Yep. Shoulda seen them radioactive dinosaurs comin’.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Silly raptors. Why are you killing people like this if you’re just going to leave them uneaten?
That’s just wasteful.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Surviving mine worker, who no one believes, is going to battle the raptors with propane and propane accessories!#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Oooooh! The mining company is called “Lando Mining.”
Fine, movie. I give you a grudging point for your #StarWars reference.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
The actual number of both cowboys and dinosaurs in this movie is deceptively low so far.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Mine foreman looking at raptor claw: “It doesn’t look like it’s from any known living species.”
Must’ve double-majored in zoology. #BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Ahh, the raptors broke him out of jail.
That was nice of them.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Sheriff just lassoed a raptor and then shot it in the head.
Okay, so I admit that was kinda cool. 😀
…I must be tired.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Still no explanation yet for why there’s an endless supply of homicidal raptors (& 1 T-Rex) in this iridium mine.#BecauseDinosaurs#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Most of the town survivors have now holed up in a bar. Always a wise move.#BSFT pic.twitter.com/0iWGDUcogW
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Never try to hotwire a car near a T-Rex. They absolutely abhor auto theft.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
People, the middle of an unexplained homicidal dinosaur attack is no time to hash out your relationship troubles.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Mine foreman somehow decided that, because the dinosaurs must breathe methane, they’re vulnerable to being shot in the brain & heart.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
And now, as dramatic music swells, retired-cowboy-who-can’t-ride-a-horse-anymore must RIDE A HORSE TO SAVE THE DAY!#BecauseDinosaurs#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Ooh, hey! A triceratops!
I bet it’s homicidal, too.#BecauseHerbivore #BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
The dinosaur just exploded.
Due to the methane in its blood.
Because it was hit with a flaming arrow.
THE. DINOSAUR. JUST. EXPLODED.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
…Aaaaand apparently raptors can spit acid now. Because reasons. They’re all doing it. THEY’RE EVOLVING BEFORE OUR EYES, PEOPLE!#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Well, the sheriff is dead. Thank you, homicidal raptors, for eliminating one corner of the bad love triangle so that thread can end.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Still no actual explanation for the dinosaurs’ being in the mine, by the way.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Retired-cowboy just rode a triceratops over a cliff, drew 2 pistols mid-air, & shot the T-Rex chasing them, making the T-Rex explode.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
And now that all of the other male characters in the movie have been eaten, retired-cowboy-stalker gets to make out with the heroine.#BSFT
— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Movie: I’m also going to throw in a pterodactyl here, just for the shit of it.
Me: #BecauseDinosaurs?
Movie: #BecauseDinosaurs.#BSFT— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Well,
It’s over.
I can honestly say that was the best cowboys vs dinos movie I’ve seen since Valley of Gwangi. #BSFThttps://t.co/XdaWB299sC— Michael G. Munz (@TheWriteMunz) July 4, 2016
Incidentally, Valley of Gwangi was the last cowboys vs. dinosaurs movie I’d seen.
But you probably figured that out yourself, huh?
Don’t forget: if you follow me on Twitter (@TheWriteMunz), you might even catch me doing the next Bad Sci-Fi Theater live with the hashtag #BSFT, and can even join in. Most of what I watch will likely be on Netflix streaming, and sometimes I’ll be joining up with other geeks to watch simultaneously…
See you next time for the mind-scarring awful-tastic mind-waste! 😀
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