Things That Go “Ffft!” in the Night

(Dramatization. May not have happened.)

You have no idea just how close I came to becoming a pod-person. Or murdered in my sleep. Or both. If I may digress from the usual sort of post I do around here, I’d like share with you a creepy little story of what happened to me the other night –or the other early morning, to be specifically vague…

I woke up about 3am, and was just lying there in bed, on my side, with my back to the sliding glass door that goes out to my balcony. (Note that I live on the 4th floor, and usually leave the door unlocked, thinking, usually, “Who’s going to break in? Batman?”) And then, as I lay there, I heard a tiny scrape. It wasn’t loud, but in the early morning quiet, it was easily audible. It sounded sort of like paper sliding across paper, and lasted only a fraction of a second before it stopped. I figured a leaf had blown across the balcony outside or something.

Then maybe a minute later, it happened again, and I was more awake, so I heard it better. The same kind of sound, and…it really sounded like it was in the room rather than outside. But again, I was tired. Surely I was imagining things, right?

Maybe another minute or three later, the same sound. And then again not even a minute after. Now it was DEFINITELY in the room. So there I am lying in bed, my back to the source of the sound, and imagining that if I turn around there’ll be some guy just standing there with a machete or something, or maybe some sort of Lovecraftian horror just waiting for me to look at it so it can suck my brain out through my eyes in suitably eldritch fashion.

So…, in my bravery, I just…kind of lay there. I didn’t hear it again. Perhaps whatever it was, it was done? Maybe it really was outside and just some sort of acoustical trick made me think otherwise. Five minutes went by, and nothing.

A peace lily, for purposes of illustration. Not my peace lily specifically. Mine hates having its picture taken.

Until it happened again. I rolled over, flipped on the light, and looked where I thought the sound was coming from. No machete ninja, no boogie-man, no axe-murderer with the sniffles. Just my big ol’ peace lily in its large pot in the corner by the door.

That’s when I realized what was happening.

Before I’d gone to bed, I noticed the plant was drooping. A LOT. “Severely wilted” is more accurate, I guess. I hadn’t watered it in quite a few days, so I gave it some water, which always perks it up. What I was hearing were its long, broad leaves brushing against each other now and then as they slowly un-wilted to stand up.

It was actually kind of awesome, since I’d never actually HEARD that happen before. And then it was funny. And I went back to sleep.

And I may or may not now be a pod-person. You never really can be sure in such cases.

Did you hear someThing?